Dear Dr. H,
I did something very wrong. For 18 years I knew I had herpes and still had sex with guys just for affirmation. I wanted a good relationship but couldn't be honest because of the stigma. My current relationship is only 6 months old and I know I have to come clean with my boyfriend but don't know how to tell him. Do you have any advice? I've slept with too many men to count but don't want him to know anything he doesn't need to know. I know it sounds terrible but I made a lot of poor decisions when I drank too much.
Read on for Dr. Hilda Hutcherson's response.
A. I am happy that you have made the decision to come clean. It is important to let your partner know about any sexually transmitted diseases that you might have, preferably before you have sex for the first time. I know that it can be embarrassing and you may fear rejection, but it is the right and fair thing to do. My advice would be to begin the conversation outside the bedroom when you are both relaxed--not in an argument or tense scenario. You should tell him in a matter-of-fact way that you were exposed to herpes and carry the virus. Let him know that you have educated yourself on how to decrease the chance that he will become infected (this means no sex when you have an active lesion, and condoms at all other times). There is no need for embarrassment--herpes is common in sexually active adults, and it is quite likely that he has had this conversation before.
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